Tom’s Tales: The Mysterious Tube

By Thomas J. Dunphy III, State-Certified Residential Real Estate Appraiser RD8755

After more than two decades of walking through houses, you accumulate some stories.

Some are funny. Some are strange. Some make absolutely no sense even years later.

And some involve a giant clear tube filled with murky water winding its way down a staircase.

Welcome to Tom’s Tales.

Every so often, I'm going to take a break from market statistics, real estate trends, and appraisal discussions and tell you a story from my years of walking through thousands of homes.

The properties and people will remain anonymous. The stories, however, are real.

And we're starting with one I've never forgotten.

The Tenant Who Didn't Want an Appraiser

Years ago, I received an appraisal assignment on an investment property in an urban neighborhood.

There was one problem.

The property owner couldn't get inside.

A tenant occupied the house and apparently wasn't particularly interested in letting the owner—or his appraiser—see what was going on inside.

Eventually, I was given the tenant's contact information and told that she had agreed to provide access.

I scheduled the appointment, drove to the property and...

Nobody was there.

Okay. It happens.

We went through the process again. Another appointment was arranged. I drove back to the property a second time.

Nobody.

At this point, I was getting a little annoyed.

Eventually, I had another appraisal assignment in the general area, so I decided I'd drive past the property afterward and see whether anyone happened to be home.

As I approached the house, there she was.

Sitting outside on the front stoop.

I pulled over, introduced myself and explained that I was the appraiser who had been trying to inspect the property.

There was a moment when she seemed a little surprised to actually see me standing there.

I asked if I could complete the inspection while I was there.

She agreed.

Finally.

I had no idea what I was about to walk into.

The Tube

I entered the house and almost immediately noticed something I had never seen before—and have never seen since.

There was an enormous clear flexible tube running through the house.

And I mean enormous.

It wasn't a garden hose. It wasn't ordinary plumbing pipe. It was a wide, flexible, transparent tube that looked almost like extremely heavy plastic or silicone.

And it was filled with murky brown water and debris.

The tube came down from the upper level and wound its way around the staircase.

Now, here's something I've learned after completing thousands of property inspections:

An appraiser needs a poker face.

You walk into enough houses, eventually you're going to see things you weren't expecting.

You don't gasp.

You don't make faces.

You don't announce, “What in the world is THAT?”

You observe.

You photograph.

You ask questions.

And you keep moving.

So that's what I did.

I started taking my photographs.

Eventually, I casually asked what was going on with the tube.

The explanation was that it was connected somehow to plumbing upstairs.

That answered approximately none of my questions.

But I still had an appraisal inspection to complete.

And there was another problem.

I had to get upstairs.

There's No Appraisal Class for This

The tube wrapped around the staircase in such a way that I couldn't simply walk around it.

I had to maneuver underneath it.

So there I was, pressed toward the wall, ducking and sliding underneath this giant tube filled with brown liquid, trying very hard not to disturb it.

There is no chapter in an appraisal textbook titled:

“What to Do When You Must Crawl Under a Giant Tube of Questionable Liquid to Measure the Second Floor.”

At least there wasn't when I started.

All I could think was:

Please don't let this thing break.

Because if that tube ruptured while I was underneath it, whatever was inside was going to become my problem very quickly.

I made it through.

I inspected the upper level.

I took my photographs.

I gathered the information I needed.

And, somehow, I completed the appraisal inspection.

But How Were They Going to Get It Out?

The owner was understandably anxious to find out what I had seen.

There was only so much I could discuss because my client was the lender, not the property owner.

But I did suggest that he might want to get over to the property.

Soon.

Driving away, however, I couldn't stop thinking about one question.

How were they ever going to get that tube out of the house?

It was filled with liquid.

It wrapped around the staircase.

And unless there was some engineering solution I wasn't understanding, eventually somebody was going to have to deal with it.

I never found out how they did.

I completed the appraisal, submitted my report and moved on to the next assignment.

But all these years later, I still remember the tube.

And that's the thing about spending a career walking through other people's properties.

You never really know what's waiting on the other side of the front door.

More Tom’s Tales Are Coming

This is the first installment of Tom’s Tales, where I'll occasionally share some of the memorable experiences I've accumulated over the years in residential real estate and appraisal work.

Some are funny.

Some are unbelievable.

A few probably won't sound real.

They are.

I'll also continue publishing my monthly Southeast Florida real estate market updates, covering communities throughout the Treasure Coast, Palm Beaches and surrounding South Florida markets.

If you enjoy the market reports—or just want to find out what strange property I walked into next—follow along, give the posts a like, and let me know you're reading.

Tom’s Tales and my monthly market reports can be found at TomDunphySellsRealEstate.com.

Thomas J. Dunphy III is a Florida State-Certified Residential Real Estate Appraiser (RD8755) and a licensed Florida real estate sales associate with Fulton Grace Realty. Through TomDunphySellsRealEstate.com, he publishes Southeast Florida market reports, real estate commentary, and occasional Tom’s Tales drawn from decades of experience in the field.